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Wondering about your life decisions? Worry no more, just read our 4X4 Horoscopes for guidance….

Arseian – March 21  to April 19

Sell those old suspension parts in your shed. There’s a muppet waiting to hand over top dollar on Gumtree.

Tornstrap – April 20 to May 20

Have faith in fellow humans. If you’re not sure that 10mm taller tyres will fit on your 4X4, ask your friendly Facebook group.

Gemonebay – May 21 to June 20

That simple repair you’ve been putting off? Now’s the time to get onto it, bond with a mate as you work, and turn a one-hour job into a 15-minute fix.


Colonyowscan – June 21 to July 22

Get onto Gumtree, there’s suspension bargains to be had!

Leotard – July 23 to August 22

You need to do your bit, cyber-patriot. Don’t let people waste time asking those same-old questions on the Internet, flame them to charred mess, dig a hole, bury the ashes and reverse over the top. Twice. 

Vertigo – August 23 to Sept 22

You’ll be asked for help on a difficult repair which will turn into a 48-hour catastrophe featuring two rounded nuts, three snapped threads, one broken part, one part for the wrong car and two dented body panels in which you’ll lose your temper, part of your thumb, three sockets and a friend.

Libre – Sept 23 to Oct 22

You’re too timid. Try a bit of “lick the stamp and send it‘’.

Scorchme – Oct 23 to Nov 21

Be completely honest with your partner about how much you’ve spent on your truck. The truth can’t hurt.

Sarcastrian – Nov 22 to Dec 21

Time to buy a video recorder, there’s a classic YouTube moment coming your way!

Capricious – Dec 22 to  Jan 19

Learn to trust people. If they say a boghole is drivable, it is.

Analqius – Jan 20 to Feb 18

Marriage counselors can’t fix all those fights over money. Consider a camping trip. Maybe go free-camping though. By yourself.

Pedestrian – Feb 19 to Mar 20

Time for you to stop worrying about other people and focus on yourself for a change. They can find out for themselves if their stock Hilux can follow your Wrangler on 37s through bogholes.

Robert Pepper Automotive journalist specialising in 4X4s, sportscars, camping and future tech.

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