The difference between 4×4 and sports car owners
Both car enthusiasts, but so very, very different. Why is it so few people are both?
Directions required to a meet
4X4 Owners
55H 5 72 828 / 54 388 288 * (Don’t bother look it up)
Sportscar Owners
Doesn’t matter, they still won’t be able to find it without a premeet.
Weather required for a meet
4X4 Owners
Day, night, rain, shine, anything so long as there’s no actual nuclear fallout cloud.
Sportscar Owners
Temperature between 25 and 30 degrees, dry, less than 5% chance of rain, UV levels within acceptable limits.
Time of meet
4X4 Owners
00:01 to 00:00.
Sportscar Owners
Any time after 10am but before 2pm.
What you do at a meet
4X4 Owners
Drive. Recover. Camp. Cook. Repeat.
Sportscar Owners
Arrive at carpark, recognise nobody, spend all your time on Facebook posting about the meet you’re at on the event page including reactions to the other guy’s posts who is parked opposite.
Definition of dirty
4X4 Owners
Unable to determine car’s original colour.
Sportscar Owners
More than three dust molecules seen in vicinity of car.
Cleaning process
4X4 Owners
Rain or a river.
Sportscar Owners
Six-stage polish routine using canuba wax, cleaning cloths borne on silken cushions, carried out at between 19 and 21 degrees.
Specs they can remember
4X4 Owners
Tyre size.
Sportscar Owners
Engine power.
Accessory buying principle
4X4 Owners
Does it do the job?
Sportscar Owners
Does it look good?
Reaction to panel damage
4X4 Owners
Look, frown, drive on.
Sportscar Owners
Look, cardiac arrest, frantic “help me” posts on Facebook, therapy.
Weight
4X4 Owners
What?
Sportscar Owners
NO!!!!
Dirt roads
4X4 Owners
The beginning.
Sportscar Owners
The end.
Where you park
4X4 Owners
1. Take nearest available space to the destination.
Sportscar Owners
1. Drive into carpark.
2. Circumnavigate park to create initial inventory of all spaces.
3. Space selection criteria – ideally bomb shelter, failing that two concrete walls of at least 300mm either side of the bay, plus armed guards.
* I told you!!!
