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The difference between 4×4 and sports car owners

Both car enthusiasts, but so very, very different. Why is it so few people are both?

Directions required to a meet

4X4 Owners

55H 5 72 828 / 54 388 288 * (Don’t bother look it up)

Sportscar Owners

Doesn’t matter, they still won’t be able to find it without a premeet.

Weather required for a meet

4X4 Owners

Day, night, rain, shine, anything so long as there’s no actual nuclear fallout cloud.

Sportscar Owners

Temperature between 25 and 30 degrees, dry, less than 5% chance of rain, UV levels within acceptable limits.

Time of meet

4X4 Owners

00:01 to 00:00.

Sportscar Owners

Any time after 10am but before 2pm.

What you do at a meet

4X4 Owners

Drive. Recover. Camp. Cook. Repeat.

Sportscar Owners

Arrive at carpark, recognise nobody, spend all your time on Facebook posting about the meet you’re at on the event page including reactions to the other guy’s posts who is parked opposite.

Definition of dirty

4X4 Owners

Unable to determine car’s original colour.

Sportscar Owners

More than three dust molecules seen in vicinity of car.

Cleaning process

4X4 Owners

Rain or a river.

Sportscar Owners

Six-stage polish routine using canuba wax, cleaning cloths borne on silken cushions, carried out at between 19 and 21 degrees.

Specs they can remember

4X4 Owners

Tyre size.

Sportscar Owners

Engine power.

Accessory buying principle

4X4 Owners

Does it do the job?

Sportscar Owners

Does it look good?

Reaction to panel damage

4X4 Owners

Look, frown, drive on.

Sportscar Owners

Look, cardiac arrest, frantic “help me” posts on Facebook, therapy.

Weight

4X4 Owners

What?

Sportscar Owners

NO!!!!

Dirt roads

4X4 Owners

The beginning.

Sportscar Owners

The end.

Where you park

4X4 Owners

1. Take nearest available space to the destination.

Sportscar Owners

1. Drive into carpark.

2. Circumnavigate park to create initial inventory of all spaces.

 3. Space selection criteria – ideally bomb shelter, failing that two concrete walls of at least 300mm either side of the bay, plus armed guards.

* I told you!!!

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