How not to present a theory deck
Ever seen these?
- Arse Narcissism – “I’m just going to turn my back on you now and mumble to the screen. Enjoy the view!”
- Tunnel vision – the instructor who can see only the one person in the audience who is smiling and nodding out of sympathy, not the other 99 who have fallen asleep/gone home.
- Eddy Eclipse – “There must be some moth in my genetic heritage; but you can read the slide off my chest can’t you?”
- Simon Surprised – a subset of Ass Narcissism, when the presenter seems surprised that a certain slide has popped up on screen. Usually takes a second or two to recover from the deer-in-headlights look before mumbling “well I didn’t expect that…” and floundering on.
- Alan Autocue. I’m just going to read the slides word for word, because I know you can’t. And I’ll use my special monotone as well, yes my special monotone, special monotone…
- Tim Time – not only does the presenter explain each point with painful precision, several anecdotes are rolled out and recounted in loving detail starting with how the galaxy was formed. The allocated time per slide is eaten more as a starter than the main meal, and the presenter gorges on time allocated for the next several slides, ignoring the frantic gestures of his co-presenter and the snores of the audience “because it’s all important”.
- Molly Mannerism. Pick something. A favourite phrase, a gesture. Then repeat it so often the audience is mesermised into a world where only that mannerism exists.
- Dennis Detail – not only explains what a diff does, but lovingly describes each component, and the metallurgy, the history…a close cousin of Tim Time.
- Andy Assumption – forgets the knowledge level he’s dealing with and throws in terms like torque, diff, LSD, low-profile tyres and doesn’t explain what they are first.
Did I miss any, ever seen them?
